How
you describe or define a conflict or problem leads to how you will try
to solve it. There are three important steps to defining a
conflict:
1. Describe
the conflict in a win/win situation instead of a win/lose one.
Win/win defines the situation as a problem shared by all involved.
It helps to increase communication and encourages treating each other
with respect.
2. Do not
put labels on others or judge them while in the conflict.
When labeling occurs mistrust, misunderstanding, and resentment
can become issues. Being "labeled" makes it difficult to
respond to a situation in a constructive manner. It is important
to discuss the behavior without judging the person who performed it.
3. When
describing the situation use specifics about the actions that occurred.
Dramatizing the situation will only make it more difficult to
resolve. It is important not to use generalizations but to
specifically describe what happened.
4. Provide
an accurate description of how the other person's behavior makes you
feel and what these feelings make you want to do as a result.
Providing feedback will help the situation when you provide information
worthy of attention. It is important that you understand your own
feelings and intentions, this will help you be able to understand the
other person's feelings and intentions. Do not hide your feelings,
this will prevent everyone from finding the best decision on what action
to take.
5. Provide
another option as to how you could react differently the next time
something like this happens again.
You cannot control anyone else's behavior but you can control your own
and how you react to situations. By making the decision to takes
steps to resolve situations, you are deciding to change your reaction to
situations. Your actions may stop situations from becoming
conflicts in the future.
